18 July West Drayton (Home) Won by 230 runs

Skippy really is a useless tosser. No...I mean it....he may have scored 154 not out....he may have hit the most sixes in an innings....he may have broken the all time individual scoring record...it doesn't matter that he and Fat Bloke created a new partnership record....and I certainly couldn't give two shits about the fact that after 157 innings he finally got a not out. Nope....he's a useless tosser.

Eleventh game of the season and we still haven't won the frigging toss !  Still, probably just as well or the game would have been over before the urn had even had a chance to realise that it was on. Not wishing to detract from what was an outstanding personal achievement, as Skippy himself said, 118 of his runs weren't needed in this game. Quite simply West Drayton were never really in this game and it will be interesting to see what side they put out this coming Sunday in the return leg.

Having been put in to bat, Iver started slowly on another spiteful pitch with the traditional lifters and occassional shooters. By the 12th over we'd managed to crawl to 15 runs with neither batsman looking totally comfortable on the sporting wicket. However Skippy hit 15 off the next over and from there on in it never looked likely that anyone else was going to get a bat with the captain and then Fat Bloke despatching the ball to all parts of the ground with consumate ease. The West Drayton bowling lacked any sort of pace or penetration and our two very experienced openers (over 400 innings for Iver between them) took full advantage with a mixture of lusty blows and pushed singles - wonder if you can guess which batsman was doing what !

The run rate picked up to 6 an over in the next ten with Skippy hitting his 50 in the 19th with a towering six. Ten overs later it was Fat Blokes turn and by this time the poor old bloater was obviously starting to feel the pace a bit so started to embark on some trademark suicide singles. He eventually managed to run him self out after trying to take on the arm of the silly point. A quick wicket fell within 2 balls as Roll On managed to pick out cover point with unnerving accuracy and Alien walked to the crease smelling blood and promptly smacked a four first ball. Next over saw Skippy pass the three figure mark for the second time in his Iver career and this seemed to spur him on to bat with even more determination as he strode towards a club highest score with his final 50 coming in just 18 deliveries.

Set an impossible target West Drayton were simply blown away by accurate bowling by Stanners and Double Hard Bastard. They didn't help themselves with poor shot selection and a fear of the pitch that by this time was simply not warranted - there had just been 266 runs scored on it with not so much as a broken finger nail to show for it. Stanners won't have an easier 5 wicket haul in his career (apart from his previous 5-8 against Hatch End, I guess) and DHB will probably be wondering what he did wrong to only end up with a couple of wickets. Mr V came on in the unusual position of being the first change spin attack and Sunbed came on to finish off the tail (which started at numbers 1&2) with 2 easy wickets putting him on a hat-trick next week. Funny how history repeats itself as he got the last two West Drayton wickets in two deliveries last season as well.

So congratulations for Skippy for breaking a hatful of records and for achieving a place in the Hall of Fame that will probably take some time to surpass - the previous record had stood for 16 years. But despite all the congratulatory back slapping and pint buying after the game, there can still be no doubt that he is categorically a useless tosser.

Man of the Match : Colin Terry (Skippy) - 100 (maximum) points